I’m not going to tell you that the first roll is going to be the hardest. Quite frankly it depends completely upon your situation, your experience, and just your life in general. There are so many factors that can come into play. Kids, relationships, family, etc. It’s also very dependent upon your man and where he goes. If he’s close to home or not, if he has cell phone service for all or sum or shoot even none. If he tells you where he’s going, and so on. For me, I don’t even remember the first roll from the beginning of our relationship or our marriage. But I remember many others and the ones that have been the most difficult.
You will feel anxious before he goes. You may be filled with thoughts of worry, jealousy, anger, etc. You might be scared out of your mind of the unknown. Wondering if he will come home or not. This is the first time you are experiencing the one you love leaving to do something that is in all truths a dangerous job. Your fears and anxieties are completely valid! Don’t ever let anyone tell you they aren’t.
It’s okay to be afraid of the unknown, to be anxious, and to be nervous. This is a huge commitment and it’s literally trial by fire. This can be a scary life. It’s full of so many unknowns. Speak up to your spouse or your partner about your fears! This is huge! Tell them how you feel. That your nervous or anxious. Let them help to ease your mind some. It helps. Trust in your man and his training and the knowledge of those around him. Keep busy while he’s gone! I’ll talk a bit about this in another post!
Most of the time depending on what your man does. If he’s a smokejumper, hotshot, engine boss, on a hand crew, heli tack, whatever your man is doing, it’s usually not a call that comes and you can pack him a lunch and send him out the door. Now on occasion you might get lucky for this to happen, but it won’t be often. Usually, they will be working at their station, and they will get dispatched out from there. I usually get a text that says fire. That is usually the majority of the communication until more can be given to me, or I look on the dispatch page, I like to know where my hubby is going, but more on that later. From that dispatch they could be gone anywhere from a couple days to 14-21 days. It all depends on the size of the fire and the severity.
Sometimes they can get home from their workday at their station or get to their barracks and they could get called out at 9 o’clock at night. or later. It’s happened with my husband. He literally got home after being extended until 2000 (8:00 pm), he got ready to go to bed and he got a phone call from the DO (duty officer), and out the door he went. It was a swift hello and an even faster goodbye. So just be prepared that the tone can come at any given time. Unfortunately, mother nature does not schedule fires at convenient times.
Many spouses have many questions before the first assignment, or they may not even have time to ask them, but here are some that have been asked of seasoned wives. Can I send stuff with him? What does he need? Will he be able to call me? How will I know where he is, if he’s okay. I’m going to do the best I can to answer these questions.
Your man will know everything he needs to have and take out on a fire with him. If you are both rookies, don’t be afraid to reach out to senior staff and ask questions. Ask the firefighters that have been there for a while, they will help and give advice.
Ladies send those treats and gifts with your man! Build them a care package in a small tub or box that won’t get smashed! Send those cookies and banana bread with him! He and his crew will thank you later! Or he will keep it all to himself!
The first summer my husband and I were dating, I wrote him a series of letters. One for every fire. Now I didn’t wait to hand him a letter for each fire. I wrote like 6 or 7 and numbered them and gave the whole stack to him for the summer. I think writing your person love letters is romantic and I’m a little traditional in ways, so that’s what I love to do. It has helped me to approach certain things that I have a harder time discussing. We always end up talking about what was in the letters once he gets home, and this has really improved our communication with each other. Sometimes I think we all have things to say and we just don’t really know how to say them and writing them down can really help. I also got him a small plastic box that I put some of his favorite snacks in, that wouldn’t melt. I would not suggest chocolate of any kind! My hubs lives for Mike and Ikes and Swedish Fish. It’s our thing, so that’s usually what I send with him. Another couple times I got him a sudoku book and a crossword puzzle book, just for something to do, to keep him occupied when he has down time.
The last couple questions go hand in hand. Will he be able to call or how do you get in touch with him? Now this is a tricky one. Most of the time our wildland firefighters are or will be working in extremely remote areas and they usually don’t have cell phone service. In this case he won’t be able to call you and vice versa. You most likely won’t have contact for 14 days. 21 if they get extended on the assignment. The majority of my husband’s assignments he hasn’t had cell phone service. Now we have done a couple things to help with this. This isn’t always an option for everyone though. My husband’s cell phone plan is on Verizon, and I switched to AT&T for a job that I had. When I did this, we bought my husband a rugged flip phone to carry with him so that he would have more options as far as cell service goes. Where we live there aren’t too many options for cell phone carriers, so these were our choices. It has proved to be worth the money for us. I mean even a pre-paid phone would work as well. In places he doesn’t get service with his Verizon phone, he gets it with his AT&T phone. This has been a life saver for us several times. I have even looked into getting us a satellite phone for him to take, but that’s just a whole other huge cost that just doesn’t cut it for us. This might seem a little excessive to some, but we actually like each other, and communication is important to the both of us.
This is one question I’ve experienced quite a bit. How will I know if he is, ok? What if something happens, how will I know? Let me tell you this cliché answer. No News Is Good News!! If you don’t hear anything from anyone, know that your husband is just fine, he’s just busy being the bad ass man he is, and is working hard to suppress the fire he’s on. I know this is a hard concept to handle, but honestly, it’s the largest truth in this industry. If something happens to your man, you will be contacted. I can promise you that. So try not to worry.
There is one important step you need to make sure happens though, be sure that you are his emergency contact through his work! If you don’t know ASK!! Ask him. Ask if he has updated his emergency contact information and if you are on there. Now if you are just dating, you most likely won’t be his main point of contact in case of an emergency. That’s okay, because you shouldn’t be, unless you are in a serious relationship, married, or he has no one else, then I’m sorry you are not the best choice for an emergency, because you could break up tomorrow. Just throwing out truths there. The only way you will be contacted if God forbid something happens out on the line or even driving to a fire, is if you are listed on the emergency contact card.
I find the first roll to maybe even be one of the easiest. Everything hasn’t really sunken in yet and your still living on the high of being with a man who does such an awesome and intensive job. That high eventually drops and reality will set in. I’ll let you stay in that high for a moment though. There’s lots more to come!
Please don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I’m always willing to help anyway that I can. Remember all of us are going through the same thing and we are all a big family. We support each other whenever and however we can.